Blissfully Exhausted

On June 27, 2012 we welcomed our 3rd little one, Sarah "June" into our family! I have gone from being a mother of 2 boys to being a mother of 2 boys and 1 girl. Growing up I always said I would love to have 2 boys and then a girl. I am humbled, excited and so grateful the Lord has given me the desire of my heart!
These past 2 weeks have been a complete whirlwind! I am in the process of adjusting to life with 3 children ages 3 and under. It's been crazy, sweet, chaotic and exhausting all at the same time. Every time we welcome a new little one into our family, I gain more and more respect for my own mother who had 5....and home schooled us all! She's my hero!(-:
I'm one of those crazy mothers who loves the newborn stage! It's my absolute favorite age! It goes by so fast and I truly try and take in every moment possible. But just because it's my favorite, doesn't mean I think it's the easiest. I would give anything for a good 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep right now! But then, that would mean my new baby is growing up and that happens fast enough as it is. So for now, I enjoy these sleepless nights because for me, it's uninterrupted alone time with my little girl. Precious time together that I know will be gone all too soon.
During these long days and "not so great sleeping nights" I hold close to a verse and poem my mom had copied and framed for me. It was her gift to me at my baby shower for June.  The poem was on our refrigerator growing up. It now hangs in my kitchen. I know she held it close to her heart as I am now holding it very close to mine. The verse is from Isaiah and the poem was written by Amy Carmichael, a missionary and a mother to thousands of orphans in India. The words of her poem was written in the cover of her Bible.

“These children are dear to Me.  Be a mother to them, and more than a mother.  Watch over them tenderly, be just and kind.  If thy heart is not large enough to embrace them, I will enlarge it after a pattern of My own.  If these young children are docile and obedient, bless Me for it; if they are froward, call upon Me for help; if they weary thee, I will be thy consolation; if thou sink under thy burden, I will be thy Reward.” -Amy Carmichael

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11

Tears, Angels and Deep Breaths

My sweet Ry is at the age where he has started to become afraid at night. When we put him to bed, he often says he's afraid of monsters. He might have gotten the idea of monsters from my sweet, spit-fire of a niece, Hannah Jo. She's a mess and I love that little girl to pieces! One night last summer, we were all spending the night together at my parents place. Ry was in bed and started crying so I went up to ask what was wrong. He told me he's afraid of the monsters in his bed. I told him there is no monsters in his bed! Hannah (who was sleeping in the other bed right next to him) sweetly, with her southern accent said "well there's monsters in my bed, Ry"! I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at that remark!
Since that night, Ry has mentioned monsters every now and then. My answer to him has become "there are no such thing as monsters but you do have angels protecting you. There are angels in your room and Jesus has given them to us to protect us". He is normally very content with this reminder and will go to bed without anymore "monster sightings".
Well, yesterday I had my normal monthly doctors appointment to check on our baby girl. Ry and Micah went with me which is always an adventure in itself! So far, things look wonderful with our baby! She is growing and so am I! But, I'm always a little nervous when they measure how big I am.  Yesterday I found out I'm measuring a week ahead. For many women this is normal, even for me. I measured big with Ry and he ended up being a bigger baby. But with Micah, it was a completely different story. I was measuring bigger because there was some major complications. So yesterday, when I was told I was measuring bigger, I started to freak out a bit. However, my doctor was not concerned. He seems very comfortable with how this pregnancy is coming along. My fear is all based on my previous pregnancy. I asked if I could have another sonogram to make sure things were still going well with this baby girl. I will have one in 2 weeks.
As I left my appointment, the fear was building and so were the tears. When I finally got in my car and started driving to my next stop, I called my mother and mother-in-law and started to cry. Ry and Micah were in the back seat, very aware of my tears.  When we arrived at the store, I started to get Ry out of the car. He looked at me very seriously, with much concern and asked "you crying, mommy?" I told him that yes, I was crying. He then asked "you scared, mommy?" I answered him the same way by saying that yes, I was scared. He looked at me, wiped my tears and said "angels are with you, mommy. Angels are in your room." He then told me to "take a deep breath", lol! I often tell him to take deep breaths when he is crying.
His words were so simple and exactly what I needed to hear at that time. At that moment the Lord was reminding me that He has given me and this little girl angels and they are watching over us, protecting us both.
Later on yesterday evening, my mom sent me a text that said Psalm 91. Psalm 91 is a beautiful Psalm. After reading it yesterday, my favorite part of Psalm 91 became verses 10-12  which say: "No evil will befall you. Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, that you do not strike your foot against a stone."
I did not tell my mom the story of Ry reminding me of my angels until today. God.Is.Faithful. I know I say that all the time but He is! He has not once left me alone. He has met me every step of the way in my life. I am so thankful I am His daughter. I pray those who read this will know of His love.
I'm know I will be nervous these next 2 weeks. I know the fears will come and go. But I also know God is not the author of fear and He has given me the most precious gifts to hold onto. His word and His angels.

A Mother's Guilt but God's Faithfulness

The highs and lows of being a mother. The laughs and the tears, the sorrow and joy. The guilt. Oh the guilt that comes along with being a mother. I bargained for many things when becoming a mother but the guilt...the guilt kind of threw me a little bit. I have learned that most moms have it. At least the ones I've met.
A few months ago...October 24 to be exact, I was having an "I'm such a horrible mother" moment. I had actually been having this "moment" for a few weeks and it all seemed to come to a point on this particular day. I was having thoughts like: my kids never obey me and it's my fault! I'm not consistent enough. I yell too much. I don't spend enough time with them. I should read to them more. Am I teaching them about Jesus enough? Why would God ever give me more children when I'm messing these 2 up so royally? I was having a pity party to say the least. So I called my mom. No matter what, she will always help me snap out of whatever funk I'm in. She can be brutally honest and for someone like me, I need that. I want that. She didn't disappoint.
My mom encouraged me to stop what I was doing, put the boys in their play room and read God's word. "Okay mom, you're right, why didn't I think of that?!" I put the boys in their play room and started reading. I read what I thought was the Psalm of the day, Psalms 22 (I thought it was the 22nd of October but I was 2 days off, which gives a little glimpse of where my head was at). After reading, I was encouraged. God's word always encourages me. I felt a little more refreshed. I was thankful for the quite time, even if it was only a few minutes. God is always faithful to me. I was about to find out just how faithful He was.
I continued on with my day feeling somewhat better about myself as a mother. I do love my children. I feed them, bathe them, kiss them, tell them I love them. However, I'm still pretty sure God will not give me anymore. I do lose it way more often than not....
Later in the day, a wave of nausea hit me from out of nowhere. I'm thinking to myself "the last time I felt a wave of nausea like that, I was pregnant". Wasting no time, thinking there is no way, I run out and purchase a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it comes back positive and I'm completely stunned! I mean, what in the world, Lord! I was sure you were not going to give me anymore little ones. I'm completely ruining the ones I do have...wasn't I just telling you that early today?!
The end of the day rolls around and I'm still in a bit of shock. I'm laying in bed and I take my Bible out again. By this time, all the thoughts and fears of my previous 2 pregnancies (difficult pregnancy with Micah and then a miscarriage) have filled my mind. There are also other worries I'm having, like: how am I going to care for another? But then, a small, quiet voice reminds me of 2 verses I read earlier that day out of Psalms 22. "Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother's womb you have been my God" (Psalm 22:9&10). It was no accident that I read the "wrong" Psalm of the day. It was the perfect Psalm of the day for me. God.Is.Faithful.
I immediately claimed that verse for this little one; who we now know is a little girl! I have claimed a different verse for each of my children before they were born. They have all come at different times in my pregnancy. I'm so thankful for God's timing in giving me this verse for this little girl. This verse has been my strength and encouragement during this pregnancy. There have been many times of fear and doubt. I continue to battle it daily. But God quietly reminds me that it is He who brings life out of the mother's womb. It is He who makes me trust in Him. HE IS MY GOD. And I claim Him as the God of this little girl. I have faith that I will nurse this little lamb in a few months. And He will sustain me.
Through these verses, God also reminded me that I am the perfect mother for Ry and Micah. He gave them to me because He knew they needed me to be their mother. Taking it day by day, my focus is to raise them to love Jesus. I will make many, many mistakes along the way. I pray God will allow me to use my mistakes in a way that will honor Him. When I yell, I have the opportunity to apologize to my children, asking them for forgiveness. Through that, I pray I am able to teach them to humble themselves and ask for forgiveness when they have wronged others.
God is faithful, even when I'm not. He has given me enormous responsibilities, even when I think I'm unworthy of them. Because of the Holy Spirit who lives in me,  I have all I need to raise these precious little lambs. I am able because He has made me able. To God be the glory.

A Little Boy and His Spackle

My little boys...they are busy. They are very busy and very inquisitive.  Especially my sweet Ry.
Lately, I have been determined to do some small repairs around my house. Pretty easy repairs that don't require much "how to" knowledge. I figure I can knock a few of these out with a little spackle. I mean, how hard can it be to use spackle to repair a few small holes...
Spackle purchased, I begin the repairs! My main focus is a hole I made (that story is for another post...maybe, ha!) in my dining room wall. I can always expect a little helper when working on a project. This day was no different. In comes my curious Ry who loves to ask many questions. This day he asks "I can do it mommy?". No baby, this is a job for mommy. Maybe when you get older. He seems okay with that answer for the time being. So...I finish my repairs and put the spackle on the kitchen counter. A few places will need another coat of spackle before I can put it up for good...you know...up...out of the way...in the garage.  But I'll put it out there tomorrow. I mean, why waste a trip to the garage since I will be needing the spackle first thing tomorrow morning? Makes perfect sense to me!
Fast forward to 7am "ish" the next morning. I wake up. My first thought is: Where is Ry? Usually Ry will get in bed with me in the mornings. Not this morning. My second thought: Oh no!!! He's got the spackle!!! And sure enough, my sweet, inquisitive Ry was spackling away on the wall and on some of my tile floor! All I could see were globs of pink! All I could think (as I quickly ran to get a sponge) was "I'm such an idiot, why didn't I put this up. This is my fault, this is all my fault. What else should I expect of this inquisitive child!!!"
Thankfully, most the spackle had not dried. I know this because that pretty pink color was still pink. When it dries, it turns white. I can't tell you how fun it was to scrub spackle off my walls at 7 am "ish" in the morning...before my first cup of coffee, ha!
One would think I learned my lesson the day he got a hold of the paint and paint brush I was using to do some touch-ups with! But no, not me! Because, I mean, who would want to walk the whole, 10, loooong steps to the garage to put the spackle up when I'm only going to use it the next morning?!
The good news is, most of the spackle did come off. The rest is waiting for me to take a piece of sand paper to it. When I find the energy...

A new journal...journey...whatever but here goes!

My mother-in-law has always encouraged me to write down the crazy/funny stories of my family. Specifically: my 2 boys! But then that means keeping a journal, right!? No way! I hate writing, I get hand cramps and I'm always too tired! BUT (I thought to myself a couple of months ago) maybe I should start blogging! I can type pretty fast and I think I can print this stuff out after I write it! Plus, I can share all the funny, "you would not believe what happened to me" stories with my family and friends! Maybe they can get a good laugh out of these crazy days I am living through at this point in my life! I mean, if someone else can get a good laugh, then it makes it all worth it to me! Well, at least it makes it more bearable, ha!
So, those thoughts were a few months ago... I have actually been praying about it. Praying about it, you might ask? Absolutely! I knew if I started blogging I would probably be putting myself "out there" so much more. I mean, what if the Lord starts nudging me to write about something other than my funny stories? What if at one point or another, He nudges me to open up about some of the struggles I have faced? Do I really want to open myself up like that to people I am not closest to? But worst of all...what if I make a grammatical error in my writing?! I have friends who love to look for those mistakes! I use to teach with some of them....I am one of them, lol! So I didn't put much more thought into the whole "blogging" thing.
Until about a week ago. I started playing around with the blogging idea again; but still not ready to take the "jump" into the land of blogging. I don't even know how to set up a blog, I thought. And then today, just when I was about to abandon the idea all together, a long-time friend suggested I start a blog. At this point I knew I just needed to do it.
So....I'm not going to worry about what future posts the Lord might nudge me to write. I'm not going to worry about all the grammatical errors I will make. I'm just going to have fun with this new journal...journey...whatever, today!
And a big thanks to my very smart, fireman/surfboard shaper of a husband who helped get me up and going!