Tears, Angels and Deep Breaths

My sweet Ry is at the age where he has started to become afraid at night. When we put him to bed, he often says he's afraid of monsters. He might have gotten the idea of monsters from my sweet, spit-fire of a niece, Hannah Jo. She's a mess and I love that little girl to pieces! One night last summer, we were all spending the night together at my parents place. Ry was in bed and started crying so I went up to ask what was wrong. He told me he's afraid of the monsters in his bed. I told him there is no monsters in his bed! Hannah (who was sleeping in the other bed right next to him) sweetly, with her southern accent said "well there's monsters in my bed, Ry"! I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at that remark!
Since that night, Ry has mentioned monsters every now and then. My answer to him has become "there are no such thing as monsters but you do have angels protecting you. There are angels in your room and Jesus has given them to us to protect us". He is normally very content with this reminder and will go to bed without anymore "monster sightings".
Well, yesterday I had my normal monthly doctors appointment to check on our baby girl. Ry and Micah went with me which is always an adventure in itself! So far, things look wonderful with our baby! She is growing and so am I! But, I'm always a little nervous when they measure how big I am.  Yesterday I found out I'm measuring a week ahead. For many women this is normal, even for me. I measured big with Ry and he ended up being a bigger baby. But with Micah, it was a completely different story. I was measuring bigger because there was some major complications. So yesterday, when I was told I was measuring bigger, I started to freak out a bit. However, my doctor was not concerned. He seems very comfortable with how this pregnancy is coming along. My fear is all based on my previous pregnancy. I asked if I could have another sonogram to make sure things were still going well with this baby girl. I will have one in 2 weeks.
As I left my appointment, the fear was building and so were the tears. When I finally got in my car and started driving to my next stop, I called my mother and mother-in-law and started to cry. Ry and Micah were in the back seat, very aware of my tears.  When we arrived at the store, I started to get Ry out of the car. He looked at me very seriously, with much concern and asked "you crying, mommy?" I told him that yes, I was crying. He then asked "you scared, mommy?" I answered him the same way by saying that yes, I was scared. He looked at me, wiped my tears and said "angels are with you, mommy. Angels are in your room." He then told me to "take a deep breath", lol! I often tell him to take deep breaths when he is crying.
His words were so simple and exactly what I needed to hear at that time. At that moment the Lord was reminding me that He has given me and this little girl angels and they are watching over us, protecting us both.
Later on yesterday evening, my mom sent me a text that said Psalm 91. Psalm 91 is a beautiful Psalm. After reading it yesterday, my favorite part of Psalm 91 became verses 10-12  which say: "No evil will befall you. Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, that you do not strike your foot against a stone."
I did not tell my mom the story of Ry reminding me of my angels until today. God.Is.Faithful. I know I say that all the time but He is! He has not once left me alone. He has met me every step of the way in my life. I am so thankful I am His daughter. I pray those who read this will know of His love.
I'm know I will be nervous these next 2 weeks. I know the fears will come and go. But I also know God is not the author of fear and He has given me the most precious gifts to hold onto. His word and His angels.

A Mother's Guilt but God's Faithfulness

The highs and lows of being a mother. The laughs and the tears, the sorrow and joy. The guilt. Oh the guilt that comes along with being a mother. I bargained for many things when becoming a mother but the guilt...the guilt kind of threw me a little bit. I have learned that most moms have it. At least the ones I've met.
A few months ago...October 24 to be exact, I was having an "I'm such a horrible mother" moment. I had actually been having this "moment" for a few weeks and it all seemed to come to a point on this particular day. I was having thoughts like: my kids never obey me and it's my fault! I'm not consistent enough. I yell too much. I don't spend enough time with them. I should read to them more. Am I teaching them about Jesus enough? Why would God ever give me more children when I'm messing these 2 up so royally? I was having a pity party to say the least. So I called my mom. No matter what, she will always help me snap out of whatever funk I'm in. She can be brutally honest and for someone like me, I need that. I want that. She didn't disappoint.
My mom encouraged me to stop what I was doing, put the boys in their play room and read God's word. "Okay mom, you're right, why didn't I think of that?!" I put the boys in their play room and started reading. I read what I thought was the Psalm of the day, Psalms 22 (I thought it was the 22nd of October but I was 2 days off, which gives a little glimpse of where my head was at). After reading, I was encouraged. God's word always encourages me. I felt a little more refreshed. I was thankful for the quite time, even if it was only a few minutes. God is always faithful to me. I was about to find out just how faithful He was.
I continued on with my day feeling somewhat better about myself as a mother. I do love my children. I feed them, bathe them, kiss them, tell them I love them. However, I'm still pretty sure God will not give me anymore. I do lose it way more often than not....
Later in the day, a wave of nausea hit me from out of nowhere. I'm thinking to myself "the last time I felt a wave of nausea like that, I was pregnant". Wasting no time, thinking there is no way, I run out and purchase a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it comes back positive and I'm completely stunned! I mean, what in the world, Lord! I was sure you were not going to give me anymore little ones. I'm completely ruining the ones I do have...wasn't I just telling you that early today?!
The end of the day rolls around and I'm still in a bit of shock. I'm laying in bed and I take my Bible out again. By this time, all the thoughts and fears of my previous 2 pregnancies (difficult pregnancy with Micah and then a miscarriage) have filled my mind. There are also other worries I'm having, like: how am I going to care for another? But then, a small, quiet voice reminds me of 2 verses I read earlier that day out of Psalms 22. "Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother's womb you have been my God" (Psalm 22:9&10). It was no accident that I read the "wrong" Psalm of the day. It was the perfect Psalm of the day for me. God.Is.Faithful.
I immediately claimed that verse for this little one; who we now know is a little girl! I have claimed a different verse for each of my children before they were born. They have all come at different times in my pregnancy. I'm so thankful for God's timing in giving me this verse for this little girl. This verse has been my strength and encouragement during this pregnancy. There have been many times of fear and doubt. I continue to battle it daily. But God quietly reminds me that it is He who brings life out of the mother's womb. It is He who makes me trust in Him. HE IS MY GOD. And I claim Him as the God of this little girl. I have faith that I will nurse this little lamb in a few months. And He will sustain me.
Through these verses, God also reminded me that I am the perfect mother for Ry and Micah. He gave them to me because He knew they needed me to be their mother. Taking it day by day, my focus is to raise them to love Jesus. I will make many, many mistakes along the way. I pray God will allow me to use my mistakes in a way that will honor Him. When I yell, I have the opportunity to apologize to my children, asking them for forgiveness. Through that, I pray I am able to teach them to humble themselves and ask for forgiveness when they have wronged others.
God is faithful, even when I'm not. He has given me enormous responsibilities, even when I think I'm unworthy of them. Because of the Holy Spirit who lives in me,  I have all I need to raise these precious little lambs. I am able because He has made me able. To God be the glory.